Online dating isn’t just a last resort anymore-it’s the most common way people meet today. More than half of all new relationships in the U.S. now start online, according to the Pew Research Center. But knowing how to use these apps isn’t enough. You need to know how to avoid scams, stand out in a sea of profiles, and turn a match into something real. This isn’t about tricks or pick-up lines. It’s about showing up as yourself, staying safe, and making smart choices from swipe to first date.
Start with a profile that actually represents you
Your profile is your first impression. And most people decide in under seven seconds whether to swipe right. A good profile doesn’t need fancy filters or staged photos. It needs honesty and clarity.
Use at least three photos: one clear face shot, one of you doing something you love (hiking, cooking, playing guitar), and one with friends or in a social setting. Avoid group photos where you’re hard to spot. People want to know who they’re talking to-not who you were with last weekend.
Don’t write "I like travel, food, and movies." That’s what everyone writes. Instead, say: "I spent last weekend trying every taco truck in Detroit. Still haven’t found the best one. Let me know yours." That gives someone a reason to reply. It’s specific. It’s personal. It’s inviting.
And never use the same bio you copied from a blog or copied from your friend’s profile. Algorithms notice that. Real people notice that too. They want to talk to a real person, not a template.
Know what to look for-and what to walk away from
Not every match is worth your time. Some people are just bored. Others are looking for attention. And some? They’re not who they say they are.
Watch for red flags: someone who refuses to video chat after two weeks, who avoids answering basic questions about their life, or who pushes you to move off the app too fast. If they say they’re "out of the country for work" and never show a live video, that’s a warning. Real people don’t hide behind excuses. They make time.
Also, be wary of profiles with too-perfect photos. If their Instagram looks like a modeling portfolio but their dating app bio says they work at a local hardware store, something’s off. Run a reverse image search on their photos. You’d be surprised how many are stolen from stock sites or other people’s accounts.
Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. You don’t owe anyone a second message just because they matched with you.
Keep conversations real before you meet
Too many people jump from a match to a first date in two days. That’s not a date-it’s a trap. You need to build a little connection first.
Ask open-ended questions. Instead of "Do you like movies?" try "What’s the last movie that made you cry-or laugh so hard you had to pause it?" That opens the door for stories, not one-word answers.
Pay attention to how they respond. Do they ask you questions back? Do they remember details you mentioned? Someone who remembers you said you hate cilantro and then asks if you want to try a new Mexican place? That’s someone who’s paying attention.
And if they’re sending emojis only? Or replying with "lol" every time? That’s not interest. That’s avoidance. Don’t waste weeks trying to make someone who’s not engaged suddenly care.
Plan your first date like a pro
Your first date should be low-pressure, public, and short. Coffee, a walk in the park, or a casual lunch are all perfect. Avoid dinner dates at first-they’re too long, too expensive, and too intense if things don’t click.
Always meet in a public place. Never go to their place. Never let them pick a location no one else knows about. Even if they seem nice, safety isn’t about suspicion-it’s about smart habits.
Tell a friend where you’re going, who you’re meeting, and when you expect to be back. Send them a photo of the person when you arrive. That’s not paranoia. That’s responsibility.
And if you feel uncomfortable at any point? Leave. No explanation needed. You don’t have to be polite to someone who makes you feel unsafe. Your comfort matters more than their feelings.
Protect your privacy like your life depends on it
Online dating apps are not private. They collect your location, your messages, your photos, your behavior. And they sell that data.
Don’t share your full name, workplace, or exact address. Don’t post your phone number until you’ve met in person and feel safe. Even then, consider using a burner number for the first few months.
Turn off location tracking when you’re not using the app. Many apps keep your location active even in the background. Check your phone’s settings. Disable location access for dating apps unless you’re actively using them.
And never send nudes. Not even "just one." Once it’s out there, you lose control. There are too many stories of people being blackmailed, shared without consent, or used in revenge porn. It’s not worth the risk.
Don’t treat it like a job interview-or a lottery
Some people treat online dating like they’re applying for a job. They overthink every message. They rehearse replies. They wait hours to respond so they don’t seem "too eager." That’s exhausting. And it kills chemistry.
Others treat it like a lottery. They swipe right on everyone. They don’t bother reading profiles. They want quantity, not quality. That’s not dating. That’s distraction.
The sweet spot? Be intentional. Swipe thoughtfully. Reply with curiosity. Don’t ghost people, but don’t chase people who don’t chase back. You’re not trying to impress anyone. You’re trying to find someone who’s already impressed by you-for who you are.
It’s okay to take breaks
Online dating can drain you. You get ghosted. You get stood up. You get matched with people who lie about their age, job, or relationship status. It’s not your fault. It’s just how the system works.
It’s okay to step away for a week. Or a month. Go hiking. Read a book. Hang out with friends. Reconnect with yourself. When you come back, you’ll be sharper, calmer, and more confident.
And if you’re not finding what you want? Maybe it’s not the apps. Maybe it’s the expectations. Not everyone wants marriage. Not everyone wants kids. Not everyone wants a relationship right now. That’s fine. You don’t have to force it. The right person isn’t going to be the one who fits your checklist. They’re going to be the one who makes you forget you ever made a checklist.
What success looks like
Success in online dating isn’t about how many matches you get. It’s not about who says "I love you" first. It’s not about how many dates you go on.
Success is when you feel safe. When you feel seen. When you can be quiet, weird, or messy-and they still want to be there. When you don’t have to perform. When you don’t have to explain why you like the same movie they do. When you stop wondering if they’re real-and just enjoy being with them.
That’s the goal. Not perfection. Not a trophy. Just connection.
Written by Eldridge Fairweather
View all posts by: Eldridge Fairweather